a random damn-it-i-need-to-spill post

disclaimer: this is a total nonsense for most of you, so you can (or should) skip this. i've been trying to hold back all of these thoughts and focusing on my case report,
but well..

information is power but ignorance is bliss.
oh and only-having-fractions-of-the-info is.. killing.

but then again. information management.
i won't ask more than what they think i need to know.
no matter how i'm thisclose to learned helplessness due to lack of access.

can't get the big picture (yet?) and not really sure whether i want to know it or not.
but already made decision about how i will react.
not necessarily my attitude, but yes i've planned my reaction.
i may keep my attitude private but my reaction will be clearly visible - at least to those who want/need to see. visible but not necessarily public.
what if my planned reaction clash with my attitude? hmm i'll find a way to twist here and there coz i don't want to (and practically can't, most of the time) fake my responses after all.

so, there.
fyuh. my head is lighter and my mind is calmer.
all hail the power of writing ;p

oh, and one thing.
in spite of my lack of information,
there's one thing i know i'm not lacking of, far from it.
love for you, for us.
cliche, eh? but i got teary-eyed writing those two lines above.
and it will be the firm ground for my reaction
(besides other things that define me, values i always try to live with).

so rest assured, dear ones.
i got your back. we'll get through this :)