on being genuine

i don't like faking things. i can't.
if i don't feel like doing it, then i don't.  when i still have to do it, i'll work on it first so at least i know i do it not merely because it's what i'm expected to do. i'll reason with myself. i'll compromise. i'll twist it. i'll let my real feeling/opinion/intention show. anything. anything to make me do what i do (at least a bit) genuinely.

i don't like faking things. i can't.
my eyes betray me easily everytime i try. haha..

not once or twice, i replied "i miss you" with a smile or a nod or a "thank you" or a "ah ya, long time no see ya" but not "i miss you too". rude? maybe. but i consider it more rude to say "i miss you too" when actually i don't. hmm and i don't put :) emoticon when i don't really (want to) smile writing it.

i'm blatantly honest sometimes. or is it most of the time? haha
when my brutal shot of honesty is not appropriate, i'd rather be quiet than say some candy-covered fake things.

oh and i literally shudder in fake situations.
i feel suffocated too.
flight is the best option, then.

but what if this what if that?
ha. let my complicated tangle of thoughts figure 'em out, then ;p